What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
