I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
