I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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