I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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