we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
