before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
