When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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