I hate all girls vehemently.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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