i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
