Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize