So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
