my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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