NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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