I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
