Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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