can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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