i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
