capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I queefed so loud it echoed.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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