it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
