I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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