Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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