Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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