i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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