just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
