whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
