OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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