Jerry, you need to find god
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
