we have pet lesbian snakes
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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