Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
