first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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