bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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