marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Alive.
So much puke
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
