So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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