U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
