90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
