was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
