is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
