Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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