o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
