I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
