My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
