It's like God shit irony all over that family
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
