I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
