Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
