I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
