bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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