My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Randomize
