I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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