just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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