the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Randomize
