Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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