i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize