in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
how does that bad decision feel?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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