ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
