OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
