you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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