I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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