Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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