after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
