Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
