So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
