I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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