I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
