Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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